My plan was to publish writings on this website at least once a week. I haven’t published a post in over six months. I’m fighting every natural instinct to feel guilty and shameful about it.
I think about this blog project all the time. Every day, I keep track of interesting topics to write, starting pieces that still sit in my drafts folder. Last semester, I completed the most rewarding and fun tour of my NASA collegiate career – holding a leadership position, working with the virtual reality lab at NASA, organizing events that made a direct impact on people’s lives, winning hackathons, and I didn’t publish anything about these events or my lessons learned.
I could make all sorts of excuses. I was too busy, then the holidays happened, then school started again. There’s just never enough time, or I’m too stressed out. I probably speak for several people who go through the same thing, who put their personal projects and passions to the side to deal with a reality that often seems to require immediate attention.
When I don’t leave room for myself to be human when I don’t perform as I should, I stress out and make myself physically sick. I should be taking a network security exam in an hour, but I got myself a nice little stress-induced cold. I should be leaving to get my doctor’s note to makeup the exam. But instead, I’m writing this. The clickity typing of the mechanical keyboard soothes me, and that’s the only thing that seems to matter right now.
The truth is that I do have time. I have plenty of time to work on this project. I use too much of that free time to stare off into space and escape from school-ridden reality, or scroll through whatever nonsense on my phone. I also binged through a solid ten seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. What an emotional roller-coaster.
Although I’m sick of school and feeling lost in my purpose in life – blah blah blah – this is one little step in the right direction of being the first astronaut to host a talk show from space. Just posting something, ANYTHING. Even though this article is a concoction of unorganized brain salad.
If you read this far, send me some Paleo-friendly baked goods. Or lots of kale. I can juice it with a new juicer I scored for 80 bucks. GONNA JUICE THE WORLD.